i'd rather be in haena   

or anyplace with more trees and less concrete

Gawker Stalker Update: The Stalkee Is Not The Star Player!

by admin - January 25th, 2006.
Filed under: small talk, towerrecords, words.

Words fail me, but obviously didn’t in the case of this [scroll about halfway down the page] detail-minded cub reporter. If you never knew Lizzie Jagger before, now you do.
The meat of the gist, verbatim stylee, after the bump. Suffice it to say that this person will probably have their own Denton blog before Spring…
[Ed: We’re going to print the following in its entirety, because we love you and want to make you cry.]

6:45 pm: Tower Records at West 4th street. I’m at the info counter on your left as you enter the store asking about a dance CD (which came out 2 weeks ago but is already out of stock & they have no idea if/when it will ever be re-ordered…great customer service as always, Tower Records—not!). As I am finishing my dance CD questions, who comes up right behind me but Lizzie Jagger! She looked so bedraggled and sloppily dressed that for a few seconds I wasn’t even sure it was her—maybe just some typical boho NYU student—but after checking her out a few more seconds I realize it is 100% her. Of course I study models everyday so I know these things. She’s about 5’5-6,” give or take, and her posture is not particularly good—sort of hunched shoulders like a typical 22-ish NYU student. She did have a nice, slim-bordering-on too-thin physiognomy, I guess as I say shes approx 20-22? her clothes & appearance are actually closest to my grandmother when she was approximately 60 or so. of all my models sightings, lizzie had the worst clothes ever next to erin wasson. here is lizzie’s ensemble: a red wool ribbed winter hat/skull cap, pulled down to her eyebrows. a very long & woolly ugly thin red scarf that wrapped around her neck but also was so long that it also fell as far down as below her waist, and it was flying around as she spoke at the counter. a heather grey coat, slightly marc jacobs cut [marc would be my top guess, then anna sui or betsey johnson] a medium grey that had the initial look of a tawny suede, but on closer inspection was a kind of velvet-teen-plush-velour or brushed cootton/wool tawny grey. its cut like a 70s or 80s old lady coat. so ugly. that coat & her posture are just like my granma in 1977 or so, very Popeye Doyle!! it gets worse. white tights with cherrys on the vine print. on another girl these might be cute-ish but they just looked haphazard & color blind like her whole look. gruesome hightop chuck taylor converse in the ugliest puke green color ever. they were also splattered with either paint or dirt that lent them a DIRTY BUM QUALITY, YET THEY WERE NOT THAT WORN IN. so somehow lizzie found new Cons that are puke green with already gross splatters on them. her brows are very thick, same shape as her moms cute blonde brows. her nose is much bigger & bumpier looking in person. the first second i saw her nose, i said this cant be a model. she had awful heavily cake white makeup on. really thick. she has a few small dark birthmarks on her face. her makeup was so thick and white I thought it must be covering something, I think her skin beneath was fairly bad texture/broken out. she had on radiant red lipstick, also applied so thick like a granny or a hooker/showgirl. i suppose her lips are luscious & thick like her dads but i was not feeling a sexy vibe from her with that overdone bright red lipstick. she reminded me of the messy nyu 718-NJ dorm girls at class in the afternoon looking like they just rolled out of bed in deliberately thrift store bedraggled looking antique boutique-esque clothes.
she didnt exactly cut my place in line, she did kind of wait for me to finish, but then she pushed her way to the register next to me & said something like ‘you have a dvd for me.’ the salesguy had it ready right there. I guess the name jagger gets you better customer service at tower. the dvd was ‘the ballad of jack & rose.’ I have heard from a few people this is a good film. she asked ‘can I pay for this here?’ the sales man said yes. i went over to the entryway where they have the village voice & pulled out my appointment book to look at it for a few moments. within 30 seconds lizzie had completed her purchase and was headed out the revolving door right next to me again. i looked ay her face again as she left, i was still stunned by the thick red lips, heavy white pancake & ugly clothes like her awful grey jacket, the red scarf still flying around and that red wool hat. Im trying to remember her skirt as i recall it was a puke green denim-ish skirt, just below the knee, similar in color to her converse [it might also be called field or meadow green, the color of weeds & crabgrass in long island by the ponds] it was also somewhat distressed like her Cons, same gross light/puke green color, almost a stonewashed or distressed denim texture, which was just gruesome in the puke green shade. the palette of puke skirt, white tights with red cherrys on them,. and puke converse all together was almost enough to make me sick, the riot of colors. and that grey marc jacobs granma coat is really ugly too, with its weird velveteen/velour texture. oh her accent. its similar to jerry halls, the texas marblemouth, but also with a veneer or speech pattern of london education. yes the texas/london accent confluence is a weird one, yet i have always found jerrys slow stoned texas drawl to be kind of sexy, and lizzie has inherited it + an extra layer of marblemouth + that cool london school of economics english veneer that mick so charmingly speaks with, almost clipped & yet a more intelligent cockney.
so thats my lizzie jagger ballad of jack & rose story. it all happpened within about 3 minutes at 6:45 tonight – 6:50 at tower records.
oh I think lizzie is a horrible model- shes actually not a model at all really- at first when terry richardson dumped lizzie & the richards ion a garbage can I thought it was mysogynist, but now I think it was an accurate editorial ugly-beauty statement on wacky terry’s part. and I have seen the richards girls in person & they are far far superior looks wise, style wise & modelling wise. theodora particularly impressed me in a pink dress/slacks with her pretty blonde hair & great makeup. and as great as jerry hall was, patti hansen is & was a far far better model than jerry, imo.

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